Cookies and Breast Milk

The frequency of a good SF meal going un-photographed is probably on par with the frequency of virgins graduating from college.  It doesn’t happen often, and if so, code monkeys were involved.  This is not a rhetorical question: if I eat a fantastic meal and do not tweet about it + take a twitpic, did it really happen?  Seriously, I’m asking you. I wonder if San Franciscan meals turn into lumps of gooey gruel if I don’t document it and post it in the appropriate arenas before the check has been paid.

You know those tacky pictures that early 20 somethings take with their friends at parties with extra wide open smiles?  Don’t turn your nose up quite yet!  You too, my seemingly sweet and sophisticated darling, have untagged a few of them.  Yah, the ones intended to show that you’re having a good time and have not only awesome, but hot friends.  Well, the C&B  (cookiesandbreastmilk) version of these photographs is slightly classier.  It’s called food pr0n.  Pictures taken of the expensive food we eat and the fancy friends that we eat with.

Elements of a good reel of food porn:

• Must show that you are eating foods that are currently in season
• Hot nippletip: Be sure you have pictures of both fried squash blossoms and heirloom tomatoes in the next week or so.
• Remember it’s not about you.  That is what we use Facebook tagging for.  To show we have friends even though they aren’t in the picture.
• If humans must be included make sure that they are wearing hip accessories (dangly earrings and vintage bracelets work best)
• Aim for tasteful, headless boobies.  See picture.
• Intersperse restaurant photos with those taken at the farmer’s market.  Particularly if you are male and you don’t cook, it makes you look all sensitive and shit.
• NO CANDLES
• Only one phallic photo is allowed.  Try to think beyond the cucumber and banana.  If you have any good ones send them to ccup at cookiesandbreastmilk.
• Download Camerabag onto your iPhone and use either the Lolo or Magazine filters. Of course, if you’re still obsessed with the digital SLR that you bought last year, then take that fat bitch with you to dinner and have a ball.

Warning: I will start promoting sportsbra uniboobs if I catch you taking cheesy food porn like the example below.  Such an event would prove disastrous to our collective well being, so take heed.

Simply Tacky

If you have made mistakes with your food pornography in the past, fear not.  The past is past and the present is a present.  If you’ve been hesitant, now’s your chance to participate.  Show your appreciation, our insane meals and ingredients SHOULD be documented.  Do you know that there are poor people in rest of this country and rich people in Asia eating McDonald’s in blissful ignorance?

As I was researching pr0n, I came across The Ginger Scone Diaries.  Now this chick knows how to do Food Porn right.  She even knows how to use candles without making me want to vomit.  I will be left fantasizing about her rack for the rest of the day.

Bloody hell.  SF you are too good to me sometimes.

Wishing you days filled with butterflies and buttery nipples all around,
C-Cup

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